Already Gone
by silverscars
Summary: This is my take on how it could of gone when Dimitri gets upset when he finds Rose at Adrian's door returning the perfumes.


I Know that there may be readers who are reading this who are following and waiting for updates on my other story My Lightning Dragon. I am sorry I haven't posted a chapter update in a while forgive me. :_. VA fans I do hope you enjoy this story! Please R&R. Positive feedback plz!

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Rose's P.O.V~

After we started walking from Adrian's room Dimitri stopped me.

"Rose can I speak with you?" He asked in a slightly strained voice. I nodded at Lissa for her to go ahead. I watched her leave before turning around to face him.

"Yes guardian Belikov?" I asked my voice neutral , my guardian mask not letting anything through.

"Rose don't be like that" he pleaded. "Like what? I am being respectful" I said indifferent. He sighed then continued

"Why were you in Adrian Ivashkov's room ?" he asked infuriated. I became irritated but didn't let it show, only slightly in my voice.

"That is none of your business" I said hissed harshly.

"It is as long as you attend St. Vladimir's. Now I will not ask again. Why were you in his room?" he lowered his voice, his tone demanding an answer.

"I was returning a box of perfumes he sent me. I don't see you questioning Lissa and she was there before I was" I growled. He ignored the Lissa comment and grew seemingly more angered at the fact Adrian sent me perfume.

"You will stay away from him the rest of the trip here" he stated as if he were my parent or boyfriend.

"I will not stay away from him because you told me. I am my own person and will be as such. Now I do not wish for you to speak with me unless it's important" I spat darkly then walking away to go to the roof I found a couple of days ago to get some air and time alone.

I made it to the top and plugged in the stereo I had up there and listened to the music play as I sat down.

I sat there basking in the calm peace till my head snapped up at the sound of crunching snow behind me. I turned around and of course saw none other than Dimitri walking up behind me. I decided to try and ignore him, that is until he decided to place his hand on my shoulder. I stood up, turned off the stereo, and started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"Rose where are you going?" he questioned me in a softly, slightly hurt if you were able to tell. It slightly irked me that while he was the one giving me the cold shoulder in the first place when I tried to get him to express his feelings for me, yet here he was hurt that I had just did the same thing to him.

"I'm heading back to my room, Guardian Belikov, now if you'll excuse me" I curtly said as I tried to get him to release my arm to no avail.

"Why are you only now calling me by my guardian title when you never bothered to before?" he asked me as he still held onto me.

"I am doing what you wanted, to act like any other student at St. Vladimir's, like we are nothing more than a mentor and his pupil. I'm being professional since you said that our feelings are inappropriate" I told him in a voice devoid of emotion as a kept a guardian mask in place. I am a bit proud of myself with how long I have managed to hold it, no doubt a new record for me.

"Rose," he murmured, trying to get me to open up again, but I will not budge easily this time.

"No I'm not gonna do this, I can't anymore Dimitri, this isn't fair, not to me and not to you. I'm not gonna open myself up to you again and again then only for you to turn around to lock your emotions for me away selfishly. I'm not gonna give myself the false hope that you are willing to make this, us, work only for you to go and push me and my 'childish' feelings away.

"I am not gonna let you rule my life and what I do with your jealousy when you get upset like you did with Adrian, who by the way I am not even interested in." I ranted with warm tears filling my eyes, not knowing why I had even added the last part. He tried pulling me into a hug as he uttered a soft but broken "Roza." I pushed him away, shaking my head.

"No I'm not gonna do this, I need to be strong now, why don't you just accept Tasha's offer, you seem interested in her enough" I whispered as the tears finally fell down my face.

"Roza, please" He tried again desperately, reaching for me once more, but I already started heading back inside, "Roza!" I heard him yell as I opened the door and started jogging to my room.

I opened my door and for once was glad that Lisa wasn't around as I laid down on my bed and started to cry. After an hour or two when I stopped crying I couldn't help but feel disappointed in myself as I realized that I Rose, the breaker of hearts, had just cried over a guy. I angrily wiped my eyes and got up to take a shower.

No, I will not let this break me, I'm gonna show him that I am not a weak little girl. I smiled at the small amount of satisfaction I got at the mental image of Dimitri being proved wrong for once, and hopped out of the shower to get dressed and find my friends.

I decided to wear a deep red sweater, black leggings, black leather combat boots, and a black leather jacket to complete the look. I left my hair down and put on a dark red beanie to match my sweater.

As I walked to the large common area for students to talk and mingle I saw my friends sitting by a fireplace surrounded by two large reclining sectionals. I walked up and saw them notice me. Eddie squeezed over to make room for me on the section where he was reclining and I gratefully accepted with a small smile. I knew mason would've done the same but Eddie always seemed to know just when I needed brotherly affection.

I sat down and stretched my legs as I comfortably snuggled into Eddie with my head on his chest and his arm around my shoulders. Everyone smiled at me and Lissa sent me one with a small amount of concern but I sent her a look that said I handled everything.

"So Rosie did Belikov give you the 3rd degree?" Christian questioned jokingly. I smirked and replied snarkily.

"He at least tried to, but obviously it didn't work as you can see" I joked good naturedly back causing everyone to laugh.

"And what did I say about calling me that" I added to which he snorted at.

"Oh you know you love it Rosie" he teased me again.

"I'm sure I'll love it more after I kick your ass fire crotch" I said sweetly with a sugary smile that caused him to pale drastically, making his white complexion seem nearly translucent.

Another bout of laughter went around till it quieted down. We spent a good amount of time talking about old memories and fond moments of our years growing up at the academy.

Just before dinner we all decided to take a group walk around in the snow. I walked with my arm looped through Eddies, who was on my right, while leaning my head on his shoulder. He knew despite my cheery attitude that I was still feeling a bit down. Mason was on my left joking around with Christian in front of him who was holding Lissa's hand. Upon our way back in and into the dinning hall, I saw Dimitri talking and laughing with Tasha. I saw his eyes connect with mine and saw pain and heartbreak flash in them before I turned away. I will stand by my decision, and he will have to accept it.

For dinner we had roasted chicken with mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. I had the most fun tonight since a while. Not even the burning eyes of Dimitri could take away my mood. After dinner we had another three hours before curfew so we all decided to go back to the lounge.

We all took our places from earlier. I saw that Mason had made room for me to sit with him, but I sat and cuddled with Eddie. Even though I was feeling much better since my argument with Dimitri, I knew I still loved him and letting him go wasn't going to happen after just a few hours. I knew Mason is hoping for more than friendship with me but I don't see him that way, he's basically my other older and annoying brother like Eddie. Although I'm much closer with Eddie because he wholeheartedly takes his place as my brother seriously.

I trust him to the point where I told him what was going on with Dimitri and I. Shortly after I told Lissa too. Dimitri thinks that nobody knows but its best it's kept that way. I figured Eddie suspected something happened between Dimitri and I, so he's trying to make me feel better, and Lissa would joke and make me laugh to help him. I couldn't ask for a better family.

When curfew finally came along the guys walked Lissa and I to our room. When we got there we saw that Dimitri was there waiting. Everyone stopped and looked at him strangely except for Lissa, Eddie, and me. I knew what he was waiting for because of the pain and sadness that was in his eyes before he put his mask back in place.

"What can we do for you Guardian Belikov?" Mason asked with a nervous smile no doubt thinking he and the boys were gonna get in trouble for being in our wing past curfew.

"Nothing, I just came to see if the princess and Rose were safely back in there rooms." He replied curtly. "I also believe that curfew has passed and you should all head back to your rooms as well." He chastised the guys and us.

Nodding the boys all said our goodnight's. I gave Mason and Eddie hugs, and as I was hugging Christian I puckered my face like I was disgusted with him doing the same, causing the others to laugh. I nodded to Dimitri as Lissa and I walked into our room. Of course it wasn't going to be that easy and I sighed when he asked to speak with me. I looked at Lissa and nodded while I walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind me.

He led me down the hallway a bit no doubt not wanting Lissa to hear us, too bad she already knows.

"What did you need Guardian Belikov?" I questioned. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Rose I'm sorry, I know I've been difficult but that doesn't mean you need to act any different with me" he muttered exasperated.

It was my turn to sigh, the day's frustrations finally taking its toll on me. " I know I don't, but it makes this easier on both of us. You know I'm right when I say that no matter how much we want this to work out it just isn't going to Dimitri.

"I want to be with you more than anything but we can't. You're right, we can't protect Lissa and make a relationship work. We'll just be putting ourselves and Lissa in danger. I love you comrade but like you said it's time for me to start behaving like a real guardian." I finished while looking him in the eyes. He seemed a bit caught off guard on how mature I was acting, but his eyes reflected the same emotions my eyes held. Pain. Sadness. Regret.

 _Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fist held high it never would have worked out right. We were never meant for do or die._

" Roza" he whispered my name like a soft caress and pulled me into him. I let him, knowing this was the last time I will be able to enjoy his arms around me like this.

"I'm sorry Roza, I wish it didn't have to be like this, if things were different we could've been together." He murmured into my hair. Tears blurred my eyes as I croaked " I know Comrade, I know."

 _I didn't want us to burn out. I didn't come here to hurt you now. I can't stop._

Pulling back he lifted his hand to my cheek, and connected his own tear filled eyes to mine.

" I love you" he whispered broken heartedly. I lifted my own hand own hand and held his face as I peered into his eyes. Once again they matched my own. Swimming with longing, despair, pain, and love. Always Love.

"I love you too Dimitri, and I always will." I choked on a quiet sob. He bent down and kissed me with everything he felt for me and I moved my own with his. Our lips speaking everything we wished we could say and a life we wished we could have. A few seconds which felt like hours we pulled away and looked into each others glistening eyes as our foreheads pressed together.

 _I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road, but someone's gotta go. And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone._

"I never knew letting go would be this hard" I laughed brokenly, the tears finally falling from my eyes, then starting to softly sob. His own tears finally fell as he looked pained. "Shh, Roza. I know. You're strong though you'll get through this. I know you will" he whispered.

"I don't want to be strong, Dimitri. I want to be selfish for once and be happy. All my life I've wanted something for myself and when I finally find it I can't have it." I cried, pain blossomed from my chest.

 _Looking at you makes it harder but I know that you'll find another. That doesn't always make you wanna cry. It started with the perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. Perfect couldn't keep this love alive._

He started to sob as well. We held onto each other as our grief flowed through us. We stood there in an embrace crying for what could've been but never will be.

"I really wish we could have what we want Roza, more than you know" he whimpered into my hair.

I just held him tighter and let everything flow through. I let myself break and finally stop being strong for once. I cried for my childhood, my loss, my life, and my love. I will never regret or wish to forget what I had with Dimitri. I will hold those memories fondly. All the stolen kisses and sweet words that came with his lips. The soft caresses and strokes that came from his hands. The love and passion that burned my very soul which came from his heart. Every moment I spent with him will always remain with me.

 _You know that I love you so. I love you enough to let you go._

Finally pulling away I smiled and kissed his lips softly one last time before whispering against them. "I love you Comrade, forever and always." Then I turned and walked away. As I did I heard him softly murmur back. "I love you Roza... forever and always."

 _I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road, but someone's gotta go. And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone._

As I walked away I felt something break in me. I felt agony with each step that I took away from the man that held my heart, who had showed me how to love and loved me like no other. I felt despair fill my whole being as I turned away from a path that could have brought me happiness, joy, laughter, and Love.

 _So I'm already gone._

 _' Thank you comrade. For believing in me from the start, for pushing me to be the best I can. You've shown me how to be proud of who I am, and to always do what I think is right. I know now that even though I am in so much pain, I can make it through this. I won't ever forget our love, and I will always cherish it. Thank you for everything Comrade and I hope you have the best of everything in life with my whole being. The moments we shared will always be in my heart and I will hold them close. I have no regrets for our love, I only wish we could have had more. I'll be okay though. I will be strong, like you always said I could. I love you Dimitri and I always will. You are my everything and you are my forever and always. My love and heart will be yours always.'_

 _Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye._

I looked back and saw him watching me as tracks of tears continued to flow from his eyes like mine. I suddenly felt hope and peace fill me. I knew we will both be okay in time. I smiled at him with love and happiness. He froze and suddenly held his breath. Then he smiled at me, a true bright smile, and I knew we would be fine. If he is happy then I am. Maybe one day we could be something and we would wait for that day. I would wait for him forever. I would wait because I was his.

 _I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road, but someone's gotta go. And I want you know, you couldn't have loved me better. But I want you to move on , so I'm already gone. I'm already gone._

For Eternity.

 _Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye._

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Well there you have it, and I really hope Y'all enjoyed it the song used is Already Gone by Sleeping at Last. I was listening to it and I though it would be perfect to complete this story. Please R&R thank you!


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